Oh man. It’s been so long. How does this work again…? Where do I even start? lol The beginning I suppose? But what IS the beginning…?! Ok. Ok. So… Gonna go waaaaaay back here, so bear with me…. (hehe) or, you know, skip ahead a bit if you want to get right to the DKZ stuff.
So the last posts here were mid-2017, and there are drafts for about a year after that. This lines up with when my personal K-pop situation took a pretty horrible turn that included my top 4 groups: Boys Republic, SHINee, 100%, and B1A4. (2018 is also when I became a team leader at work, increasing the work load by quite a bit, and that kinda started at the end of 2017 when it was decided that I’d be taking on that role for the coming school year.) So, yeah… SHINee’s Jonghyun’s death in December 2017, followed by 100%’s Minwoo’s death in March 2018, B1A4’s Jinyoung and Baro leaving WM Ent. in June 2018 (and while the remaining members have still done things, that didn’t really happen again until late 2020), and then the final nail in the coffin here, Boys Republic’s “indefinite hiatus” September 2018. Perhaps needless to say, but I was quite dejected by this point, and without officially DECIDING to, I kinda retired from K-pop.
Then of course, late 2019, covid-19 appeared, and while it didn’t immediately seem like that big of a deal, it definitely became one later. And I didn’t adapt well to say the least… I became a recluse. Also a giant ball of anxiety, but would rather not go into that part so much… It also didn’t help that work also became harder and messier, with Jeff now head teacher and covid-19 reeking havoc with ALL plans and procedures.
Fast forward some, to a date that I’m really not quite sure how to pinpoint…. I was catching up on King of Mask Singer episodes, and couldn’t help but be super amused by these two goofs by the names of Munik and Jaechan that kept appearing on the panel, and later as contestants. By the time I saw both of them as contestants (sometime between Crazy Night and Cupid, but not sure when exactly…) I decided to look them up, and realized that I really enjoyed all their songs and thus kinda sorta became a fan. It wasn’t until Cupid was released in April this year that I 100% decided I was a fan (of DKZ, but also specifically, Jonghyeong). Though I was very hesitant to get back into things, partially because I was still in anxious recluse mode from covid, and partially because I kinda felt (or…feel…) like I’m betraying Boys Republic somehow. lol Thought that’s also kinda silly because I’ve always liked and done events for multiple groups, so I don’t really even understand that feeling….
Either way, Cupid became my happy pill. I could listen to it, and even if I was in just the WORST mood, I would very quickly start bouncing and singing along. I quickly decided that just watching music shows wasn’t enough, and started watching radio shows and such that the members went on. Which of course, prompted me to want to see even more…. Though I was still reluctant to GO to any actual events.
Boys Republic helped me break through that barrier. ^_^ Their 9th debut anniversary came around, and Suwoong (my kpop bf ^_^) posted that the members were planning to meet up at Sungjun’s newly opened cafe/restaurant on their anniversary. And so I gathered up some courage, with help from some Royal Family friends, and went and had a lovely reunion. ^_^
Things kinda snowballed from there. I decided I could go to an Equal performance (once), and then Three Musketeers (4 times), and a lucky draw event. And throughout this entire Uh-Heung promotions, I’d been buying some albums for some of the fansign events, and right when I was about to give up all hope of ever actually getting into one, I GOT INTO ONE!
Cue the freak out! (on many levels) One: I was just obviously nervous to meet a K-pop group that I credit with saving me from crippling anxiety. Two: I’d not been studying Korean much, and DEFINITELY hadn’t been practicing using it in conversation for the past couple years. Three: I’ve never been good at small talk. Four: Yes, I’ve been to fansigns before, but that was all pre-covid, and almost exclusively first-come-first-served sorts, so this one was VERY different. I could probably keep listing things, but I think you get the point…
From the time I saw the notice Friday evening, until the signing itself on Sunday evening, I did very little except prepare myself: look at old fansign accounts to see what was normal, checked the rules like 50 times, debated various post-it questions, went to find cute post-its, chose what pages I wanted them to sign in the different versions (since they give you album there and I didn’t know which it would be), etc. etc… Notably, when I looked up the actual fansign location, I had to do a big side-eye at the irony: it was at the same subway stop as Boys Republic’s old practice studio. (Which I suppose was in some ways nice, since I am quite familiar with it. Less stress about where I had to go.) Day of, I was barely able to eat. I did force some food down, but not a lot and my stomach was not pleased with it.
Go time! I headed out, and found the location with no trouble. Immediately started noticing other fans, though nobody seemed to be talking to each other. (Notably different from what I’m used to…) I checked in, stumbling over reciting my phone number as confirmation, and got a little wristband and ticket with my number on it (20), along with the album, and was told to come back a bit later for entry. I went back to ground floor where there was a bunch of empty space and set up my post-its in the new album. Here there was a bit more interaction between fans, but still not much. Maybe 10 minutes later, everybody started going back to upstairs, so I followed along, and entered the actual signing location. I was a little disappointed that it was very ….flat….? It would make seeing a bit difficult, however, I did immediately note that I should have a good view of Jonghyeong at least, based on the order the staff had tweeted earlier. I also became rather intimidated by everybody else. Most of the other fans had a tripod setup with a big fancy camera on it, and quite a few of them also had a handheld camera, one to record the whole thing and one for more reactionary picture taking. Meanwhile, I just had my normal little point and shoot camera, which suddenly felt extremely inferior and sad. It’s also rather old…. Maybe it’s time for an upgrade!
Shortly thereafter, the members entered, rather suddenly, too. There was a lot of waving, but they rather quickly sat down and got to it. There were a number of fans (almost definitely fansites) that started calling out to the members to do specific poses and look at specific cameras and such, which the members generally complied with as best as they could. Meanwhile, the first few fans started heading up for their turns at the signing itself. Once the first person made it to the end of the line, there was a lot less noise from the fans, since the members were all preoccupied with the fan whose album they were signing. At this point, with the placement of the fans both doing the signing and still waiting in their chairs, I could almost exclusively see Sehyeon, Jonghyeong, and Kyoungyoon, so I spend most of the signing just taking their pictures. Every so often, the staff that were patrolling the signing table would loudly announce that a fan was taking too long, and instructing them to move along. Whenever I heard that, I would target one of the other members with my camera because there would be a moment with better visibility.
Eventually it was my turn to head up to the table. I was instructed to bring my ID, numbered ticket wristband, and album. And that brings me to one of the biggest differences between this signing and others that I’ve been to in the past: they were a little nuts with rules and checking stuff! lol First they checked your ID and phone number to collect your album and random number in the signing. They gave you a wristband and ticket with that number. Then about 15 minutes later, you showed your wristband to get into the actual room the signing was in, where you sat in your numbered seat. Then when it was almost your turn for the signing, they checked the wristband, took your numbered ticket, and checked your ID again, before you could move to the album checking station. Oh, wait. First they kinda pat you down to make sure you aren’t hiding any recording devices or anything. Then another staff member checks your album, making sure there’s nothing hidden in there and that you have things labeled for the members and what name for them to write, and of course any post-it questions. Apparently I had missed a rule when prepping for this part: questions must be multiple choice (knew that) and only up to 5 answers choices are possible (didn’t know that). So with like 2 people to go until my turn with the members, I had to scribble out and adjust my post-it’s because I had written out all the members names and a couple other things as choices. I scratched out their names and added ‘member’ instead. She also didn’t like that I had written “To: cute names for each member” on my post-its because she thought they might get confused and think that’s what I wanted them to WRITE in the album, as opposed to me just addressing a letter of sorts to them… So she scribbled out the to, but at least left the other bit. Finally made it to the last staff member before the members, who took my album to open it and get it ready to pass to Mingyu.
I’m going to do this next part more as a list of things that I remember, as opposed to in any specific chronological order. The whole thing went so fast, and I was so nervous and excited that a lot of stuff just kinda blurred together in my head, and I’m sure I’m going to end up forgetting some stuff all together too, but suppose that’s normal? lol Also, with the fact that it took me almost 2 months to finish this post…. >< Which is kinda why this blog went on an extended hiatus I suppose. Sigh. Anyway… note: I’m going to write everything out in English, but the vast majority of this was in Korean and I am just writing my best translation, or understanding, of what was said. I’ll point out the parts that were actually in English.
Mingyu is so cute and squishy up close! He was surprised upon seeing my post-it that said, “Three Musketeers cutie Mingyu” at the top, and asked, “Oh! You saw it?!” So I told him that I saw it twice and that he did really well, which seemed to make him happy. There was a point where he was signing the album that it got quiet, and I didn’t want to just waste my time in silence, but couldn’t actually think of anything to say, so I just told him that I was super nervous. haha His response was something like, “Ah, why would you be nervous? No reason for that…” I ended up saying this exact same thing twice more while talking to him though (not necessarily in immediately or in this order….): When he asked if I’d eaten yet, I said that I couldn’t eat because I was nervous, but that I’d eat after the signing finished. This made him do a bit of a whiny, “you need to eat…..”. He also grabbed my hands at one point, and started asking why they were so cold, to which I again said it was because I was nervous. I think at this point I was getting embarrassed as well because I snatched my hands back to cover my face without thinking about it. As far as my post-it question, it asked who he would take to a deserted island with him: members, Dangree (the groups adorable adopted older dog), Manboki (his snake), or just go alone. He pretty immediately picked Kyoungyoon, despite me having scribbled out the specific names. I asked him to explain why, and he went off on this big explanation in Korean. When he finished, I just kinda stared at him, and broke a moment, saying in English, ” I don’t know…..” which flustered him a lot. He asked “Why?” like 5 times in rapid succession before I finished, still in English, “….what you said.” He laughed but switched over to English as well going, “Ok. I…Kyoungyoon…go (mimes walking with fingers)…because…strong (mimes muscles)…and good….good….ah….요리….(mimes using a frying pan).” I supplied him with the word “cooking” and he repeated it, “Ah! Yes, yes, cooking! Kyoungyoon strong and good cooking!” I’m pretty sure that during all his miming, the staff took my album, and moved it over to Jaechan already, so he wrapped up, did a high five and some waves, while I moved over to the next chair.
With Jaechan, I mostly just remember talking about my post-it question. He was a bit hesitant about it, but chose to go to a deserted island alone, because if he took Dangree, he would just have to take care of her the whole time, and she would eat all of the food. So then I asked, “What about with the members,” since it was crammed in amongst scribbles and maybe he didn’t notice it as an option. He did a REAL big side-eye and sigh of sorts, which definitely read as him not at all wanting that option, but not wanting to outright say it. I decided to kinda do the fan thing, and asked what he thought about going with me instead then. He then went into this big list of how I would then have to help take care of him… I feel like I started doing exactly what he had done when I asked about him taking the members with him, and did my own awkward side-eye and laugh. Then he asked if I was good at cooking, to which I said, “No, but I’m good at ‘baking’.” I couldn’t think of the Korean for ‘baking’ though, so I just said it in English, questioningly. He repeated the word, but I couldn’t tell if he understood, so I continued with like, “So we could just eat lots of cookies and cakes. Would that be okay?” This was clearly not preferable either, so I said that I wouldn’t go; alone is better, and we moved on.
Sehyeon was next, and oh man, it was simultaneously SUPER calming talking to him, but also SUPER intimidating. lol He seemed SO sincere and genuine when talking to me (and for that matter, I noticed the same look/feeling with many others afterwards). Like, he had both my hands tightly gripped, fingers interlocked, and was like leaning in, and just staring into my soul as he talked. He just kept talking at one point, and I barely understood any of it (it was sort of a thanks for coming kinda thing), but I was just so lost in the moment that I couldn’t even respond or ask for clarification on what he said or anything. He also commented about my hands being really cold, and started trying to warm them up. Then he told me that I needed to wear something warmer, and asked if I at least had a jacket. I told him that I had one back at my chair, but that it was warm enough inside, and my hands were just so cold because I was super nervous. He 다행이다’d (Which is kind of like ‘that’s a relief’ or ‘thank goodness’…never quite sure how to translate it honestly, because it always seems more awkward than in Korean.), but was less happy about me being nervous and said I shouldn’t be nervous. He then also asked if I’d at least eaten before the signing, which I hadn’t. So he told me I needed to eat as soon as the signing was over, which I agreed to, before having to move on. Oh, going backwards in time though, he called me pretty before I even fully moved over to his chair. He also chose Dangree to take to the desert island with him, and Kyoungyoon if he was going to choose a member.
Jonghyeong immediately noticed that I had added a heart next to only his name on my index, and loudly proclaimed, “Ah~~ Jonghyeong heart!” I hadn’t actually sat down yet, and because I had to show my ID card between leaving my chair and getting to the signing table, I had my wallet around my neck, so I showed him that I had his photocard on said wallet, rather intentionally pointing out to him that he is my bias. (Which btw, is NOT something I ever really do, and I’ve been to quite a few other fansigns… I think only Boys Republic ever knew who my bias was, but I never had to announce it. I just did so many events and things that they just knew….and attempts were definitely made to steal me away from him…. but that’s irrelevant here I suppose. lol I decided to make it obvious that I was a Jonghyeong fan here because: 1. I have no idea if I will ever actually meet/talk to them again. and 2. This group is probably the closest I’ve ever been to a solo stan. lol I’m not….but I almost had to go out of my way to learn about and appreciate the other members, especially the new ones. >< Even though Jaechan/Munik were the ones that got me into the group in the first place, via Mask Singer….I was just a casual fan that enjoyed their songs until the Cupid teasers and especially MV, and well…. here we are! lol But I’ve gone off on a MAJOR tangent, so back to the point we go!) Pointing out that I was a Jonghyeong fan was THE BEST choice it turns out, because at least for the rest of the singing, he remembered this fact, and was intentionally posing at my camera and such after I sat back down. This was NOT the case before it was my turn. ^_^
So before signing my album, he asked how to spell my name in English, asking if it was J-e-s-s-i. (I had written my nametag post-it in Korean.) I corrected him to spell it with a -y- at the end, which he then wrote. When he read the post-it, he asked (rather sheepishly) what about taking me with him to the deserted island. And I’m sure this response would have made many fans lose their minds, and while yes, I was very amused, come on….that is NOT your real answer here. I may have accepted it more if I had been to many an event, especially other signings, but….try again. That’d just be weird. Despite being a Jonghyeong fan, I’m not even sure I would go to a deserted island with just him given the chance….that’d be WAY too weird. hahahahaha So anyway….I asked him why, and he just got all embarrassed, laughed and went back to the post-it to choose again, this time Kyoungyoon. Can’t remember if it was before or after this, but we also talked about where I was from (which I totally expected to talk about with everybody but…) I told him that I was from America but I live in Korea. He was really shocked when I told him that I’d been living here for like 7 or 8 years. (I think it’s actually closer to 10 but I’m not sure. lol) He also said he really wants to visit America, but I told him not to because Korea is better. There were also at least two separate instances of him holding my hands, as well as him making a half-heart, which I then completed (I know one of these was a sort of goodbye as I was leaving, and I want to say the other was sort of right as I sat down and told him I was his fan. The hand-holding, I can’t quite remember when that happened…or why it was broken and rehappened….)
When I moved over to Kyoungyoon, he paused and sort of did a double-take, asking if I’d come before. I told him no, but that I’d been to see Three Musketeers. He kinda shook his head and mumbled that the name was familiar though….so hey! If there’s another Ari named ‘Jessy/제시’ out there…congrats!!! Kyoungyoon remembered you!! hahahhaa Or maybe it’s that he remembers my name from other places like Twitter or the fancafe? Who knows… haha When he read my post-it, he seemed somewhat embarrassed, kinda hanging his head and laughing, to see that it was written “To Kyougyoon who really likes Marietta”. I told him that I really liked Equal, and he thanked me before continuing on with the post-it. He laughed again when he noticed that Marietta was on the list of people he may want to take with him to a deserted island. He then kinda mumble-asked why Constance wasn’t also on the list. (And to be quite honest, I didn’t even THINK to add here. hahaha I saw Three Musketeers, but it’s not as in line with the kind of shows/stories that I prefer…) He continued that he couldn’t take Marietta because he’s never really seen or met her or anything (since she doesn’t actually appear in Equal, she’s just somebody they talk about). He then looked down the line of before deciding to take Dangree with him. I told him that everybody else was choosing to take him, to which he said like ‘aahh really?’ in a sort of amused or surprised sense. I told him it was because he was strong and good at cooking, and he laughed (again).
Giseok, like Jonghyeong, also noticed and commented immediately on the fact that I had a heart next to (only) Jonghyeong’s name in my index. I kind of nervous-laughed, agreeing that I was indeed a Jonghyeong fan, and had wanted to say something to the effect of liking all the members, but he had already moved on. He asked if he could move my post-it question to the other page, because I guess he preferred to sign his name where I had stuck it, for whatever reason. After confirming that was okay, he started writing my name, but paused to ask if I was his noona first, before adding that. (If anybody doesn’t know ‘noona’, that’s just something that guys in Korea call older girls – kinda the opposite of the perhaps more popular ‘oppa’, though that’s really only supposed to be what girls call older guys, a lot of fans use it for idols more generally….sorry, tangent. lol back to Giseok!) For my post-it, he also chose Kyoungyoon almost immediately, and I told him as well that everybody was choosing him, so he switched to Dangree. I told him that I wish I could meet Dangree too because she’s so cute. He said that maybe they could bring her in the future. (Which DID happen at a later fansign btw, and I am totally going to take credit! …though I wasn’t actually at that one to enjoy it personally. lol) He also asked if I’d eaten yet, which I hadn’t, and he whined that I needed to eat soon. I agreed that I would, and was ushered away by staff.
I found my way through all the cameras back to my chair, and resumed trying to take some nice pics, though now with a lot more attention from Jonghyeong. At one point, the fan next to me asked if we could switch chairs, which I agreed to. She was definitely trying for a better view of Jaechan, and while my view was somewhat better than hers, it still wasn’t good. Either way, I now had a much better view of Giseok, so took advantage of that a bit. We eventually did switch back, before things wrapped up. Once Mingyu was finished, he immediately came out from behind the table and started playing around more freely. The other members joined him as they finished with the final signings as well. Jaechan helped Mingyu wear a bandana that he didn’t seem to know what to do with, and kept posing for pics up on his tiptoes to make Mingyu look even shorter than he already is. Jonghyeong tried to do a ‘sexy’ pose against the table, but it was more funny than anything I thought. They talked and goofed around a bit longer, then drew numbers out of a box to see who won the signed polaroids. At first, they all drew a number and checked it secretly. Somebody, I’m pretty sure it was Kyoungyoon, asked where the numbering started and started like counting people to try and see who had won his polaroid before announcing it. They also played around with the actual announcing, like teasing approximate numbers and such first. It was cute. When they would finally announce a winner, they had that person raise their hands to be acknowledged by the members, and generally cheered by the other fans, but also so staff could go over and give them their new polaroid. (I must admit I was a bit sad that staff was passing out the polaroids, as from what I’ve experienced otherwise, I had expected the fan to walk up and collect the polaroid from the members. Ah well…I didn’t win either way, so… haha)
(give me a rice cake and I won’t eat you!)
After that, they did a group picture time, where they all posed and rotated so everybody could get a good shot of the group looking in their direction. Then it was time for them to perform Uh-heung. There was a false start of sorts when (I didn’t see it clearly) but it seemed like Kyoungyoon got like hit in the head by another member or something when coming out of their starting pose? I’m not sure. It took a moment of half-dancing, half-trying to figure out if Kyoungyoon was okay before the music stopped and they really confirmed all was fine, before getting back into starting position. Things went smoothly this time, and I got to see my very first DKZ performance. ^_^ And while fansign performances are usually not normal stage quality, but more so just the members dancing, often not even trying to lipsync, and much more often goofing around….I was riveted. haha They left pretty much immediately after the performance ended, with a last greeting and tons of waves.
They kept us fans on lockdown in the room for a bit longer, probably to let the members leave comfortably first, before allowing us to exit. I spent this time mostly on my phone, but other fans had a lot more to do, with disassembling big camera setups and recollecting fansign items they had given to the members to wear. (I’m much more used to them keeping these items too, though I suppose it’s neat to get them back after use, too.) There was also a bit more discussion between fans than I saw pre-signing, but again, still a lot less than I’m used to. Overall, this ended up being a very familiar but also very different experience, and hopefully I will have another chance to meet DKZ at future fansigns and events.
Gallery of other pics:
BRB, Moving To Korea 